Thursday, April 29, 2010

Somewhere along the line I seem to have abandoned this blog. Not mentally, but physically. Because you see, I think of this blog all the time and am even moved on occasion to write. But then I don't. Either I sit down to the keyboard and type and then promptly delete it entirely or the words just never even come out. I realized along the way that when I am upset, sad, tired, frustrated or angry...I blog. Writing is cathartic for always has been. And there is nothing wrong with that except that so seldom am I moved to write when life is good! And life is OFTEN (in fact, more often than NOT) good. Unquenchable, overflowing, out of bounds GOOD! I have written blogs about good things and happy days it's just that given my natural bent, those blog entries are probably fewer than the ones that express some thorn in my flesh. OR at least they WOULD be far less if I actually gave in and blogged every time I wanted to mention those thorns. Therein lies the reason I set blogging aside. For some of you, this is all you know of blog. For others, you know me better than that but aren't in my life on a daily basis to know that my frustrated days do not define my life. So I don't want to only blog about the bad days because I never want to dishonor the Lord or my family by making it seem as if I am an unhappy person. And I had to leave behind the joy of daily blogging about just ordinary days and such because life just doesn't allow me that kind of time in this season of life!

SO...until I felt moved to blog about a HAPPY thing, I chose not to blog! Believe me, these past few months have been more hard than happy but when God puts a happy ending on He usually does, it hardly matters what all those hard days were about! His faithfulness to me and to my family is nothing short of amazing. Awe inspiring even!

One reason that I like to write when I am struggling is because I know there is always a chance you, my reader, are struggling in that area too. I am a BIG believer in sharing our sufferings. They are so much less powerful when shared. The minute I open my mouth to a friend or a group of friends and share a struggle and someone in that group says, "me too..." I am somehow healed through that. Companionship in suffering. Knowing that Satan can no longer condemn me by saying, "you are a mess and no one else is as messed up as you." He is immediately silenced by the truth that my sin, my struggle is common. And sometimes common feels downright wonderful! But I tread a fine line when all I do is share my struggles or sufferings. Pretty soon....I look miserable and unhappy. I look a little too real, if that is possible. People are always making judgements. If I say I am tired (or if, heaven forbid, I LOOK tired) people pity me and say, "Her life is wearing her out poor thing." If I talk about how my husband and I are struggling or my kids make me nuts...before you know it people have surmised that my marriage is failing and I must have too many children because I cannot handle them. SO while I seek to be real...I must remember that REAL people are reading this and summing me up. And I want my sum total to be JOY! Paul says rejoice in any situation no matter the circumstances. I will therefore try to balance the sharing of struggles (because I still feel that matters) with the sharing of JOY! I do have both and if I am growing in the Lord...I will have them simultaneously!

Let's face it though...motherhood is HARD WORK! And trying to keep my physical body in check is a HARD thing. And being a wife is a HARD thing. And loving the Lord the way I want to love Him and know Him can be HARD work...well, hard in the sense that it requires time and discipline, like any other relationship I care to nurture. But the Lord sweetly sent me these words this week that He spoke to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 30:11 (oh please go and read the whole is so good):

"For this commandment which I command to you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach."
And I was reminded by Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest" (which I LOVE and highly recommend):
"If you make a god out of your best moments, you will find that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given you."(emphasis mine)
In other words, or in MY words I should say, if I focus on those times when I felt so near to God and so fresh with His calling and I neglect or worse, despise the work He has placed closest to me (my family), He will be gone from my life. Not as in salvation...but as in doing any new thing. Chambers is SO good to remind me that the "drudgery," as he calls it, of my life is the place where God is making me and molding me to be like Him. The mountain top is refreshment but it is NOT the gift of my life. My life is His gift. SO...that is where I am right now. Learning to complain less and embrace more. What I do is hard. But I can think of no other earthly thing at which I'd rather be working so hard. God bless you as you work hard too! ~M.


Natasha said...

Thanks for sharing! I love the verse! I too struggle with wanting to be real but not wanting to give people the impression my life is anything other than an complete blessing because OH HAVE I BEEN BLESSED - in Christ alone I have been blessed and the rest is just icing!

Beck Family said...

Melissa, I love your post. God is convicting my heart through your words. One of many things I have always enjoyed about my friendship with you is honesty. Your honesty does make me feel more normal and does diffuse what Satan tells me. Thank you for being brave enough to be real and honest and reminding us that through Christ we see the blessing and not just the hard stuff. Love you.