I don't guess there is any sane woman out there who doesn't wonder just how she'd survive if, God forbid, something happened to her husband, the father of her (many) children. In my case with six sons I think, "God, if you are going to take one of us home, take me. These boys need their daddy!" (I mean, I am not discounting that these boys need a momma too...I mean, who'd trim their toenails or suck their snot out for pete's sake? :) But, about the age of three boys drift away from everything needs to be momma...to life is better with daddy! And, I have always loved this though I feel a bit sorry for the daddy of six sons who never gets free time. And my man...my baby daddy...rises to the occasion. He loves to be loved by these little men. He is, after all, the one who teaches them how to kiss and hug tight so he can begin unapologetically begging them for lovin'! SO he gets what he deserves when a certain five year old lumbers onto his lap and covers him with smooches. And then a four year old climbs on top to add to the pile. And if a certain twelve year old (who weighs a ton BTW) is nearby, he joins in. That 12 year old is a lap kitten...no one has told him he is more like a horse...least of all his daddy who would never turn him away. These boys love their daddy.
He is a good daddy. A daddy who loves them as much as I do. And for just that fact alone I don't know what I'd do without him. I mean, there is this precious thing that exists between a parent and a child. It cannot be replicated. Knowing he and I are always on the same page when it comes to how we love them makes life much easier. After all, as a man and a woman we are so seldom on the same page about anything...at least at the outset! :) I will never forget how the evening after Grant was born and the hospital room cleared out and there we were...the three of us. Together. Alone. For the first time. Ever. Keith and I cried our eyes out. Not out of love. Not out of joy. Nope. It was FEAR. YES. F.E.A.R! What in the world were we doing? We had not a clue. We loved that little baby but the events of the preceding labor were nothing short of life-altering. Not the pretty picture of giving birth I had imagined. Nothing about my body felt beautiful or "life-giving!" More like a train had run right up through...oh, never mind. You get the idea. The minute that life hit this world...our lives were changed. Shew. I am glad that man stood there with me and cried. I needed to know he was as scared as I was! The hormones settled down. A little rest settled on our weary bones and we adjusted. I never wanted to do that again. And I did it five more times. God is so funny that way! And that man of mine has stood there and laughed and cried and snuggled slimy babies the whole way.
I can write a book of the precious things he has done with our boys or the way he teaches them and nurtures them. Mostly, I am just so thankful he is here. Here to protect and provide and love us. If I had to be married to me...especially through six pregnancies and births...I'd have run. That stuff about the weaker sex...that's me. Totally. I am a hormonal, unpredictable, emotional mess. And he stays. And he loves me. Now he has teenagers who add even more of that to the mix...and he stays. And loves them. Thanks Sugar! You are my man! ~M.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Potty Training Update
I thought for the sake of full disclosure I should share how it is going on our PT front here. Grayson has been PTraining for a week now...or something close to that. I forget the exact day we began. Yesterday was his first FULL day of no accidents. So in case you were wondering if I had this down to some perfect science...um...no. He totally knows how to make it happen but still forgets he needs to go somewhere to actually deposit it now! And I will tell you, though some of you may cringe (but like I said...full disclosure) that I have spanked him a couple of times. He is quite a cooperative little guy in all of life but he is two after all. And I sometimes sense a laziness and control issue that occurs with probably every PT child. They figure out they don't actually think it is fun anymore to go to the potty like they might have in the beginning. And they realize they have a choice....well, at least they think they have a choice. :) That is where the small, albeit firm, spank on a naked be-hiny is helpful~and necessary. He needed to be reminded that his momma takes none too kindly to wet clothes and puddles on the floor!
All in all, he has an amazing little bladder and some mornings he is completely dry all night. Like yesterday morning Iwalked in his room and he said, "I need to go potty." I put him on the potty and he peed and pooed immediately! Loved that. He could have chosen the easy route and taken care of business in his diaper before I came in but he obviously held it waiting for me. And it was quite funny when I had to take him to the potty twice at the pool (at his request) to pee. I mean, the kid is there in a washable swim diaper-soaking wet in knee deep water and totally could have let 'er go right there but didn't!
As for Sunday when I had to take him to church, this mother of six was a bit perplexed as to how to handle the whole thing. We go to a small church with only two child rooms. Grayson is in the baby nursery of course since he isn't PT yet. (that they know of) I knew that if the room was crowded or if it was staffed by younger ladies that it'd be a lot to ask to have them be in charge of his PT. And because our little church is in a strip mall the bathroom is not connected to the nursery. SO...I toted the potty seat in a bag with me! Yes I did. I had him wear a pull-up which I hated to do but felt I could not ask them to deal with messes he might make. Well, to make a long story short...I spent my 18th anniversary staying with the 2 year old myself! I didn't mind one bit. Seeing the crowded nursery and the younger workers I knew I had three choices: 1) I could just say, "Let him pee and poo in his pull-up" (which I honestly didn't know if he'd do that or not). and 2) Ask them to carefully watch him and ask him every so often to put him on the potty...in a crowded room full of curious kids OR 3) keep him with me and keep the PT on track. I chose the third of course and was so glad I did. He peed and pooed while we were there and none of my diligence was lost! In the past (at other, larger churches) I have been able to ask the workers to help me and they have. They have usually had pottys in the room and had enough help to do this. The boys also have done well while at church but I always pack extra clothes...shoes and all. I am not sure how this week will go. If he continues to have accident-free days then I may throw caution to the wind and send him in underwear and take his potty to put in the adjoining room or hall for them to use. I don't know. These are the hard choices when you have to leave them in someone else's care.
Anyway....there is the update. He is not naked anymore BTW. He can handle underwear and usually shorts too. Praying we get this thing fully handled soon but thrilled nonetheless to see how well he is doing! ~M.
All in all, he has an amazing little bladder and some mornings he is completely dry all night. Like yesterday morning Iwalked in his room and he said, "I need to go potty." I put him on the potty and he peed and pooed immediately! Loved that. He could have chosen the easy route and taken care of business in his diaper before I came in but he obviously held it waiting for me. And it was quite funny when I had to take him to the potty twice at the pool (at his request) to pee. I mean, the kid is there in a washable swim diaper-soaking wet in knee deep water and totally could have let 'er go right there but didn't!
As for Sunday when I had to take him to church, this mother of six was a bit perplexed as to how to handle the whole thing. We go to a small church with only two child rooms. Grayson is in the baby nursery of course since he isn't PT yet. (that they know of) I knew that if the room was crowded or if it was staffed by younger ladies that it'd be a lot to ask to have them be in charge of his PT. And because our little church is in a strip mall the bathroom is not connected to the nursery. SO...I toted the potty seat in a bag with me! Yes I did. I had him wear a pull-up which I hated to do but felt I could not ask them to deal with messes he might make. Well, to make a long story short...I spent my 18th anniversary staying with the 2 year old myself! I didn't mind one bit. Seeing the crowded nursery and the younger workers I knew I had three choices: 1) I could just say, "Let him pee and poo in his pull-up" (which I honestly didn't know if he'd do that or not). and 2) Ask them to carefully watch him and ask him every so often to put him on the potty...in a crowded room full of curious kids OR 3) keep him with me and keep the PT on track. I chose the third of course and was so glad I did. He peed and pooed while we were there and none of my diligence was lost! In the past (at other, larger churches) I have been able to ask the workers to help me and they have. They have usually had pottys in the room and had enough help to do this. The boys also have done well while at church but I always pack extra clothes...shoes and all. I am not sure how this week will go. If he continues to have accident-free days then I may throw caution to the wind and send him in underwear and take his potty to put in the adjoining room or hall for them to use. I don't know. These are the hard choices when you have to leave them in someone else's care.
Anyway....there is the update. He is not naked anymore BTW. He can handle underwear and usually shorts too. Praying we get this thing fully handled soon but thrilled nonetheless to see how well he is doing! ~M.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Potty Training!
Six boys. Count em. I have potty trained SIX boys! (well, to be fair...number six is still in training.) So I feel pretty certain I can share some knowledge with you on how I have done it since as I look back it is one area as a mother I have actually had a pretty successful go of. (Excluding the spirited four year old who took a whole year to be PT at night. But he has that all under control now so let's forget that ugly year even happened!)
Anyhoo...let's reminisce shall we? Approximately 12 years ago I had a 2 1/2 year old boy and a newborn. I knew I wanted to PT Grant soon after Garrett was born because HELLO? who wants to pay to diaper TWO children at once? No one. No one who has a choice anyway! Right after Garrett was born we had two trips to go on and when we returned I was intent to begin the PT process. I was armed with nothing more than a desire to NOT have two kids in diapers...no real knowledge or experience was on my side...just pure willpower! We returned from the second trip on a Sunday and Monday morning I thought, "I am not ready to tackle this just yet." But I gave Grant a bath and he was running around in the buff when he announced he needed a diaper on! Poor little guy didn't know he had played his hand! If he knew he needed to go potty then that meant he had control over those muscles and it meant he had an awareness it was coming. That was all I needed to know to proceed quickly! I grabbed the potty seat (BTW the SAME potty seat Grayson now abides on!) and quickly set him on it. Voila! The deed was done! Then he begged for a diaper to which I firmly said NO WAY! He refused big boy underwear. He was in no way motivated by the thought of being a big boy and he immediately caught on that this new found ability meant more work for him and he was not excited. Thus was born the main way I went on to PT all the other boys. I told Grant that he couldn't wear a diaper and that if he didn't want underwear on then he had to be naked. He chose the latter! And I am glad he did because it was the key to helping me PT the other boys!
SO....here is my advice in as concise a form as I can muster.
1. I watch for three signs they are ready.
~they know they HAVE peed or pooed. (exhibited by signs such as wanting their diaper changed or acknowledging it when you ask them if they have)
~they know when they ARE peeing or pooing. (exhibited by signs such as disappearing behind the chair or standing very still and working hard to make it happen. Also, this is a good time to acknowledge ANY chance you get when you see them doing this. When they pee in the tub...call it by name..."Oh look, you are peeing!" Or if you see them straining to poo then say so. When you change their diaper tell them..."You peed or pooed." Giving the action a name helps them in the future.)
~ And finally...the BIGGIE...they know when they ARE GETTING READY TO pee or poo. Now, you may not always get to see this one exhibited but if you do...don't turn back. (This has been exhibited just as I shared with you that Grant knew he needed to have his diaper on which told me he felt it coming and he knew how to stop it. This was also how Grayson began his PT by being naked after the pool and I saw him looking down at his penis as if he was waiting on the pee to come. I saw this and immediately said, "Do you need to pee?" He said uh-huh and I ran to get the seat and put him on it and now we are on the journey!)
2. When you see at least two of these signs, and hopefully all three, you should JUMP quickly. In fact, as I said, if you see that last sign clearly, as I have with a few of my boys...do it immediately if you can. Get the seat out, let them pee or poo, and consider yourself in the throes of PT! Seriously. Last night when Grayson peed on the potty (and did it so easily) I knew I had to keep going. If you hem and haw about it they will LET YOU flounder forever! They will ask for their diaper back and they will refuse you but they must see you resolute! Believe me, I was in no way mentally ready to tackle PT with a lot of my boys but as soon as I knew they were ready I knew I had to go for it. The amazing thing is with ALL SIX of my boys, they all were ready around 2 1/2. Like clockwork. Of all the ways my boys are so different, this was not one of them!
3. The best way I have found to remind my sons and myself that we are now potty training is to leave them naked. Grant's stubborn refusal to wear undies and my stubborn refusal to allow him to wear a diaper led to this great discovery for me. I have NEVER used Pull-Ups to PT....except at bedtime. And honestly, even underwear is a problem. If they are naked they know something is up. They are constantly reminded they are supposed to be thinking about something. They know if a puddle forms beneath them that UH OH...they forgot. And if you see your child half naked all day then you are reminded to remind them to get on the potty. I mean, teaching them how to pee and poo is one part of PT. But the other, equally as daunting task, is to teach them to REMEMBER to get to the potty. And for a child who has been freely peeing in their diaper for two years and a momma who has changed their diapers, it is hard to remember to have them sit on the potty...A LOT. And I know you think cleaning up puddles...or worse...sounds worse than cleaning undies out...you are mistaken! It is all awful! But, I'd rather mop a puddle or pull out my little carpet cleaner if necessary than clean out dirty britches. Plus, the point here is this...if they are naked you will hopefully have less of these messes to clean up because you will remember to have them sit on the potty...a lot...did I say that enough?
So that is really it. No tricks. No prizes. No gimmicks. TONS of praise and hugs and kisses. Tons of books read while they sit and sit and sit. And perhaps a ton of messes and mistakes. But, if you are lucky then maybe it won't be so bad after all. Once you see the readiness signs then strip them naked and go for it! There is no magic key except to make them sit on the potty a lot. Some of your kids will know how to work their muscles easily. Others will struggle. There is no way to help them than to have them sitting there on the potty and trying. If Icould just keep them on the potty then I knew eventually they'd go. And once they went I knew I had a precious 15 minutes or so before I needed to ask them to sit again! :) Honestly, it takes about one week for me to get my boys to the point of getting it. Grant and Grayson were/are star students. Grayson has complete control over it. I just have to teach him to remember. And honestly, I look over and he will be on the potty without me even telling him. He loves the whole thing. Amazing. (that's just luck by the way...) The thing about the readiness signs is that if you KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW your child is ready then you dont' have to feel badly about pushing them. At some point it is as much your will as theirs that is involved. Don't let them convince you that it is all about their will. Once you feel they are ready then assert your will as a parent and make it happen. (I fully acknowledge that some of you are saying..."But my child doesn't exhibit any of these signs and he is FOUR!" Or, "My child exhibits the signs but refuses to cooperate." I apologize that I can't help you there-except to say at some stinkin' point you are going to have to take charge. All six of my boys showed some readiness by the age of 2 1/2 and (nearly)all of them asserted their will against it...but momma won out. I don't have any children with limited capacities as far as physical or mental limitations so I would never presume to tell you how to PT your child if that is an issue for you.)
Overall I'd say, don't be scared. Be patient. Be ready to devote a week to being as focused as you can on PT. Obviously, if your child is naked then going outdoors is troublesome. If I needed to go somewhere with that child then I put them in a pull-up or underwear and I made them try to go once we got there. I tried avoiding that they'd go in their pull-up if at all possible. Then as soon as we were home I'd go back to naked land! Always have spare clothes and plastic bags and wipes on the ready. If your child is really reluctant then rewards and incentives may be good. I never found it necessary but do what you think is best. I haven't said everything I could say so feel free to ask questions and pick my brain! Good luck! ~M.
Anyhoo...let's reminisce shall we? Approximately 12 years ago I had a 2 1/2 year old boy and a newborn. I knew I wanted to PT Grant soon after Garrett was born because HELLO? who wants to pay to diaper TWO children at once? No one. No one who has a choice anyway! Right after Garrett was born we had two trips to go on and when we returned I was intent to begin the PT process. I was armed with nothing more than a desire to NOT have two kids in diapers...no real knowledge or experience was on my side...just pure willpower! We returned from the second trip on a Sunday and Monday morning I thought, "I am not ready to tackle this just yet." But I gave Grant a bath and he was running around in the buff when he announced he needed a diaper on! Poor little guy didn't know he had played his hand! If he knew he needed to go potty then that meant he had control over those muscles and it meant he had an awareness it was coming. That was all I needed to know to proceed quickly! I grabbed the potty seat (BTW the SAME potty seat Grayson now abides on!) and quickly set him on it. Voila! The deed was done! Then he begged for a diaper to which I firmly said NO WAY! He refused big boy underwear. He was in no way motivated by the thought of being a big boy and he immediately caught on that this new found ability meant more work for him and he was not excited. Thus was born the main way I went on to PT all the other boys. I told Grant that he couldn't wear a diaper and that if he didn't want underwear on then he had to be naked. He chose the latter! And I am glad he did because it was the key to helping me PT the other boys!
SO....here is my advice in as concise a form as I can muster.
1. I watch for three signs they are ready.
~they know they HAVE peed or pooed. (exhibited by signs such as wanting their diaper changed or acknowledging it when you ask them if they have)
~they know when they ARE peeing or pooing. (exhibited by signs such as disappearing behind the chair or standing very still and working hard to make it happen. Also, this is a good time to acknowledge ANY chance you get when you see them doing this. When they pee in the tub...call it by name..."Oh look, you are peeing!" Or if you see them straining to poo then say so. When you change their diaper tell them..."You peed or pooed." Giving the action a name helps them in the future.)
~ And finally...the BIGGIE...they know when they ARE GETTING READY TO pee or poo. Now, you may not always get to see this one exhibited but if you do...don't turn back. (This has been exhibited just as I shared with you that Grant knew he needed to have his diaper on which told me he felt it coming and he knew how to stop it. This was also how Grayson began his PT by being naked after the pool and I saw him looking down at his penis as if he was waiting on the pee to come. I saw this and immediately said, "Do you need to pee?" He said uh-huh and I ran to get the seat and put him on it and now we are on the journey!)
2. When you see at least two of these signs, and hopefully all three, you should JUMP quickly. In fact, as I said, if you see that last sign clearly, as I have with a few of my boys...do it immediately if you can. Get the seat out, let them pee or poo, and consider yourself in the throes of PT! Seriously. Last night when Grayson peed on the potty (and did it so easily) I knew I had to keep going. If you hem and haw about it they will LET YOU flounder forever! They will ask for their diaper back and they will refuse you but they must see you resolute! Believe me, I was in no way mentally ready to tackle PT with a lot of my boys but as soon as I knew they were ready I knew I had to go for it. The amazing thing is with ALL SIX of my boys, they all were ready around 2 1/2. Like clockwork. Of all the ways my boys are so different, this was not one of them!
3. The best way I have found to remind my sons and myself that we are now potty training is to leave them naked. Grant's stubborn refusal to wear undies and my stubborn refusal to allow him to wear a diaper led to this great discovery for me. I have NEVER used Pull-Ups to PT....except at bedtime. And honestly, even underwear is a problem. If they are naked they know something is up. They are constantly reminded they are supposed to be thinking about something. They know if a puddle forms beneath them that UH OH...they forgot. And if you see your child half naked all day then you are reminded to remind them to get on the potty. I mean, teaching them how to pee and poo is one part of PT. But the other, equally as daunting task, is to teach them to REMEMBER to get to the potty. And for a child who has been freely peeing in their diaper for two years and a momma who has changed their diapers, it is hard to remember to have them sit on the potty...A LOT. And I know you think cleaning up puddles...or worse...sounds worse than cleaning undies out...you are mistaken! It is all awful! But, I'd rather mop a puddle or pull out my little carpet cleaner if necessary than clean out dirty britches. Plus, the point here is this...if they are naked you will hopefully have less of these messes to clean up because you will remember to have them sit on the potty...a lot...did I say that enough?
So that is really it. No tricks. No prizes. No gimmicks. TONS of praise and hugs and kisses. Tons of books read while they sit and sit and sit. And perhaps a ton of messes and mistakes. But, if you are lucky then maybe it won't be so bad after all. Once you see the readiness signs then strip them naked and go for it! There is no magic key except to make them sit on the potty a lot. Some of your kids will know how to work their muscles easily. Others will struggle. There is no way to help them than to have them sitting there on the potty and trying. If Icould just keep them on the potty then I knew eventually they'd go. And once they went I knew I had a precious 15 minutes or so before I needed to ask them to sit again! :) Honestly, it takes about one week for me to get my boys to the point of getting it. Grant and Grayson were/are star students. Grayson has complete control over it. I just have to teach him to remember. And honestly, I look over and he will be on the potty without me even telling him. He loves the whole thing. Amazing. (that's just luck by the way...) The thing about the readiness signs is that if you KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW your child is ready then you dont' have to feel badly about pushing them. At some point it is as much your will as theirs that is involved. Don't let them convince you that it is all about their will. Once you feel they are ready then assert your will as a parent and make it happen. (I fully acknowledge that some of you are saying..."But my child doesn't exhibit any of these signs and he is FOUR!" Or, "My child exhibits the signs but refuses to cooperate." I apologize that I can't help you there-except to say at some stinkin' point you are going to have to take charge. All six of my boys showed some readiness by the age of 2 1/2 and (nearly)all of them asserted their will against it...but momma won out. I don't have any children with limited capacities as far as physical or mental limitations so I would never presume to tell you how to PT your child if that is an issue for you.)
Overall I'd say, don't be scared. Be patient. Be ready to devote a week to being as focused as you can on PT. Obviously, if your child is naked then going outdoors is troublesome. If I needed to go somewhere with that child then I put them in a pull-up or underwear and I made them try to go once we got there. I tried avoiding that they'd go in their pull-up if at all possible. Then as soon as we were home I'd go back to naked land! Always have spare clothes and plastic bags and wipes on the ready. If your child is really reluctant then rewards and incentives may be good. I never found it necessary but do what you think is best. I haven't said everything I could say so feel free to ask questions and pick my brain! Good luck! ~M.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Humble Pie
I know that my boy Gannon will get more blog time than the others because God sent him just to teach me so many more things than my other boys! He teaches me patience and he teaches me how to outthink a three year old. He teaches me how to work with people who are hard to work with! He teaches me laughter and he teaches me joy and he occasionally serves me up a portion of humble pie! And believe me, God intends to serve me up a heaping portion because He knows I can be pridefully ugly. I mean, I have six boys. And five of the six are easy going boys who ( as young boys) cower in the face of the unknown. Take them to Sunday School or someone's home they've never been to and they will hide behind my legs and perhaps not utter ONE word the entire time they are there. Even for MONTHS or YEARS of going to the SAME class...they will barely make a peep. And at times this has been a burden as I want them to enjoy themselves and drink in life to the full! I want their teaches and classmates to know them and see how sweet they are. And it causes horrible cases of separation anxiety for them. And I hate that. But, you know what? I have always enjoyed the side of this that keeps my boys obedient and compliant when they are away from us. I have never had to worry that they are disobedient or making a bad name for themselves...or us! :)
But then came Gannon. :)
He is not like his brothers. At all. And what makes him precious and adorable and lively makes him hard to manage and a pain in the neck. He loves life. No worrying that this boy is not loving his life to the full. He LOVES people and he knows NO stranger. He speaks to store clerks and teachers and children of all sizes. I never know what he might say! A nurse asked him the other day how old he was and after he held up four fingers and said, "I am three" he then asked her how old she was! We burst out laughing but truly, that makes sense doesn't it? If people always ask you how old you are...then surely you should ask the same, right? He perks up and talks to anyone. And I kind of love it. None of my other boys would do this...even the teenagers will not speak unless someone speaks to them and even then it is hard to get them to answer clearly and with eye contact. And Gannon is stinkin cute too. At least I think so. He is a blondie with the sweetest little lips you have ever seen. I am telling you, if he weren't so rotten I'd eat him with a spoon....well, if I weren't spanking him with it first! :)
SO, what brings this up again? Cause this ain't the first time I have blogged about little Gannon. Well, it was prompted by the first EVER phone call I have received about one of my sons' behavior in a class! GASP! Our boys go to about a half a dozen FamilyLife staff meetings a year. While we are in the meeting, the boys are in classes. Well, it has been since October that Gannon was in class and for some reason the coordinator was just now getting to calling me because the first meeting of this year is tomorrow. The teacher of his class (who BTW is a young , childless woman) said he would not obey. He isn't mean. He just doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. And if you have never had a spirited child you are saying to yourself right now, "Well, duh, what child wants to do everything he's told? Spank him more!" Well, my friend...let me serve you a piece of my humble pie...not all kids are the same! Believe this momma of six. Five came out pretty much the same and one came out with spots! :) And believe me, he gets him some spankin'! In fact, almost every battle with Gannon comes to blows with a spanking. He just doesn't back down any other way. But, the Lord has settled in my spirit that dealing with him all the time with the rod is NOT the way to his heart. God made him different. And this momma is determined to work within Gannon's bent. "Train up a child in the way he should go..." is more accurately translated...."Train up a child according to his natural bent." See, we want to bend them our way. But twigs don't bend much before they snap. Some twigs give easily and their natural bent is towards us...but other twigs are bent in their own special direction. And while some days I'd like to give that little twig a good snap...I know this has no gain in his life or mine. SO I work with him. I try to foresee battles and issues of control and I try to head them off at the pass. I try to allow him lots of lead room to do things himself and make decisions where I can. He doesn't want to eat? Don't eat! He wants to wear long pants and a long sleeved shirt when it is 80 degrees...go for it! He wants to wipe his own bottom, put on his own shoes (on the wrong feet), open his own wrapper, buckle his own car seat....GO BOY GO! But, of course he has to mind. And he has to control his screaming temper or he is going to feel some pain. And most every day involves some pain for this kid. But apparently it is worth it to him to have a say in his life.
Here is the thing though...when I hand him off to well-meaning teachers and sitters, they don't know all this. They need him to do as he is told. If all the kids are sitting on carpet squares with their hands folded nicely...he should too. If it is snack time and all the other kids are seated nicely around the table...he should too. And if a child takes his toy he should share. And he should speak softly. And he should lie on his mat at naptime. But for Gannon....he is NO respecter of authority. Again, gasp. He no more respects them as authority than he does his daddy and me. Seriously. He does what we tell him to do because of one of two reasons: 1) He wants to do what we have asked or 2) He fears the consequences if he doesn't. But, it is hard to get this spirited child to do what he doesn't want to do with someone who holds no consequence with him. UGH! This means I have to step in and wield consequences which is difficult when I am not there. And this means I have to ask some immature, inexperienced (typically) person to understand my child in a way that is different than the other 10 in the class. If he will sit in a chair quietly but not on the floor...then PLEASE let the boy sit in a chair. He just wants a choice. Who cares if he is the only one doing it or if some of the others want to sit in a chair also? If he can have a choice...please offer him one. I get it. There is not always a choice. All I am asking is see his heart...his natural bent and give him room to be him. That's a tall order. I get it. After all, he is my boy. I love him unlike anyone else besides his daddy. And that love spurs me to be patient and work with him.
Here is the bottom line. Being Gannon's mommy has taught me to stop judging other parents about how they handle their children. I have NO idea what is happening in their home and in their hearts. What appears to be a poorly disciplined child may actually be a leader in the making. I refuse to be ashamed of him or discipline him sternly so that others can "see" what a good parent I am. I wring my hands over this child every day. He is a HAND FULL! But oh how I love him! Can't wait to see who he is going to be! ~M.
But then came Gannon. :)
He is not like his brothers. At all. And what makes him precious and adorable and lively makes him hard to manage and a pain in the neck. He loves life. No worrying that this boy is not loving his life to the full. He LOVES people and he knows NO stranger. He speaks to store clerks and teachers and children of all sizes. I never know what he might say! A nurse asked him the other day how old he was and after he held up four fingers and said, "I am three" he then asked her how old she was! We burst out laughing but truly, that makes sense doesn't it? If people always ask you how old you are...then surely you should ask the same, right? He perks up and talks to anyone. And I kind of love it. None of my other boys would do this...even the teenagers will not speak unless someone speaks to them and even then it is hard to get them to answer clearly and with eye contact. And Gannon is stinkin cute too. At least I think so. He is a blondie with the sweetest little lips you have ever seen. I am telling you, if he weren't so rotten I'd eat him with a spoon....well, if I weren't spanking him with it first! :)
SO, what brings this up again? Cause this ain't the first time I have blogged about little Gannon. Well, it was prompted by the first EVER phone call I have received about one of my sons' behavior in a class! GASP! Our boys go to about a half a dozen FamilyLife staff meetings a year. While we are in the meeting, the boys are in classes. Well, it has been since October that Gannon was in class and for some reason the coordinator was just now getting to calling me because the first meeting of this year is tomorrow. The teacher of his class (who BTW is a young , childless woman) said he would not obey. He isn't mean. He just doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. And if you have never had a spirited child you are saying to yourself right now, "Well, duh, what child wants to do everything he's told? Spank him more!" Well, my friend...let me serve you a piece of my humble pie...not all kids are the same! Believe this momma of six. Five came out pretty much the same and one came out with spots! :) And believe me, he gets him some spankin'! In fact, almost every battle with Gannon comes to blows with a spanking. He just doesn't back down any other way. But, the Lord has settled in my spirit that dealing with him all the time with the rod is NOT the way to his heart. God made him different. And this momma is determined to work within Gannon's bent. "Train up a child in the way he should go..." is more accurately translated...."Train up a child according to his natural bent." See, we want to bend them our way. But twigs don't bend much before they snap. Some twigs give easily and their natural bent is towards us...but other twigs are bent in their own special direction. And while some days I'd like to give that little twig a good snap...I know this has no gain in his life or mine. SO I work with him. I try to foresee battles and issues of control and I try to head them off at the pass. I try to allow him lots of lead room to do things himself and make decisions where I can. He doesn't want to eat? Don't eat! He wants to wear long pants and a long sleeved shirt when it is 80 degrees...go for it! He wants to wipe his own bottom, put on his own shoes (on the wrong feet), open his own wrapper, buckle his own car seat....GO BOY GO! But, of course he has to mind. And he has to control his screaming temper or he is going to feel some pain. And most every day involves some pain for this kid. But apparently it is worth it to him to have a say in his life.
Here is the thing though...when I hand him off to well-meaning teachers and sitters, they don't know all this. They need him to do as he is told. If all the kids are sitting on carpet squares with their hands folded nicely...he should too. If it is snack time and all the other kids are seated nicely around the table...he should too. And if a child takes his toy he should share. And he should speak softly. And he should lie on his mat at naptime. But for Gannon....he is NO respecter of authority. Again, gasp. He no more respects them as authority than he does his daddy and me. Seriously. He does what we tell him to do because of one of two reasons: 1) He wants to do what we have asked or 2) He fears the consequences if he doesn't. But, it is hard to get this spirited child to do what he doesn't want to do with someone who holds no consequence with him. UGH! This means I have to step in and wield consequences which is difficult when I am not there. And this means I have to ask some immature, inexperienced (typically) person to understand my child in a way that is different than the other 10 in the class. If he will sit in a chair quietly but not on the floor...then PLEASE let the boy sit in a chair. He just wants a choice. Who cares if he is the only one doing it or if some of the others want to sit in a chair also? If he can have a choice...please offer him one. I get it. There is not always a choice. All I am asking is see his heart...his natural bent and give him room to be him. That's a tall order. I get it. After all, he is my boy. I love him unlike anyone else besides his daddy. And that love spurs me to be patient and work with him.
Here is the bottom line. Being Gannon's mommy has taught me to stop judging other parents about how they handle their children. I have NO idea what is happening in their home and in their hearts. What appears to be a poorly disciplined child may actually be a leader in the making. I refuse to be ashamed of him or discipline him sternly so that others can "see" what a good parent I am. I wring my hands over this child every day. He is a HAND FULL! But oh how I love him! Can't wait to see who he is going to be! ~M.
Monday, March 7, 2011
This that and the other....
- It's COLD here and gray. Oh curses on the gray cold days. And tomorrow is the boys last day of SEEK (science class at the 4H center) and rain is certain. Bummer because the last day is usually reserved for outdoor fun. Stink.
- Our entire family is sick. Well, Keith is not as sick as the rest and may escape but I doubt it. This is a NASTY cold virus. As in, I have not been THIS sick with a cold in a long time. I typically dodge the bullets but not this time. The coughing here is exhausting. You know the cough...the one that can't be touched with prescription or OTC meds. You have to combine them both and pray it helps and doesn't kill them. The sinus pressure is unbelieveable. Some have had fevers, others diarrhea. Lovely. SO we are holed up in here and miserable.
- Except for the reality that I have to teach Precept class tomorrow. Yeah. That's fun. I am so looking forward to it and yet praying so hard that God shows up big time to drown out my weakness. I feel like God has poured water on my offering just to show up even more powerfully. (see 1 kings 18:38...I love this Bible story) Keith has to stay home in the morning to keep the littles because they are too sick to take to childcare. Stink again.
- I am making homemade tomato soup and PWs rosemary rolls for dinner. Yum. Comfort food.
- I have been reading All New Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew. It is fabulous. I hope I can get inspired to do my own square foot garden this summer. Seems so simple but you have to actually do it. Wish someone would come get it set up for me.
Well, that's all I guess. I am looking ahead to the weekend when temps in the high 60s/low 70s and sunshine return! Perhaps by then we will all be on the mend and I can return to church and life! Love you all! M.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Stream of consciousness...or a post in which I purge my mind of all the unposted FB statuses I have been harboring!
HELLO FRIENDS!
So, it's been a little over three weeks since I have posted. And to some degree I have been away from here...and Facebook. To some degree. I steered pretty clear for a week and then steadily drifted back to checking in on a few blogs. The nice thing about blogs...versus Facebook is that bloggers tend to post no more than once a day at the most (and most a lot less than that!) so once I have perused the list I am done. I still try to stay away and not go digging through old blogs and such. As for FB, I do periodically log in to accept friend requests that come to my email box or to deal with an issue I had not getting FB messages sent to my inbox. SO, if you "saw" me on there I assure you, it was a quick peek...okay and maybe a QUICK scroll down the screen...before I felt convicted and logged off! :) Honestly, I miss it. A bunch. I miss my friends...my real friends, not FB friends. I miss their status updates that say so-and-so is sick or well, or having a birthday. I miss photos of vacations and photos of cute, growing kids. But when I have done a quick scroll, I see that mainly the statuses are "status-quo" (haha) and I know, in reality I am not missing that much. In fact, I enjoyed a long phone conversation with my besty just because we couldn't connect in our usual manner. And as usual, it ended in tears. I think that is why we prefer FB...neither one of us want to blubber about how much we STILL miss each other and each others' family even after nearly 6 years. But it was good for my soul to hear her voice and chat it up for way too long!
SO, here are the things going on around here that probably would have been status updates had I been on FB these last three weeks!
So, it's been a little over three weeks since I have posted. And to some degree I have been away from here...and Facebook. To some degree. I steered pretty clear for a week and then steadily drifted back to checking in on a few blogs. The nice thing about blogs...versus Facebook is that bloggers tend to post no more than once a day at the most (and most a lot less than that!) so once I have perused the list I am done. I still try to stay away and not go digging through old blogs and such. As for FB, I do periodically log in to accept friend requests that come to my email box or to deal with an issue I had not getting FB messages sent to my inbox. SO, if you "saw" me on there I assure you, it was a quick peek...okay and maybe a QUICK scroll down the screen...before I felt convicted and logged off! :) Honestly, I miss it. A bunch. I miss my friends...my real friends, not FB friends. I miss their status updates that say so-and-so is sick or well, or having a birthday. I miss photos of vacations and photos of cute, growing kids. But when I have done a quick scroll, I see that mainly the statuses are "status-quo" (haha) and I know, in reality I am not missing that much. In fact, I enjoyed a long phone conversation with my besty just because we couldn't connect in our usual manner. And as usual, it ended in tears. I think that is why we prefer FB...neither one of us want to blubber about how much we STILL miss each other and each others' family even after nearly 6 years. But it was good for my soul to hear her voice and chat it up for way too long!
SO, here are the things going on around here that probably would have been status updates had I been on FB these last three weeks!
- The weather is GORGEOUS. (abundant sunshine, lovely temps)
- The weather is AWFUL. (abundant clouds, nasty humidity)
- I felt my first EARTHQUAKE two nights ago. Did you know AR is on a fault line? Wacko. The bed was shaking and I was freaking out. Only Grant and Garrett were still awake and they thought each other had shaken their bed! (They sleep in a loft bed that is all one bed)
- Keith travelled for five LONG days to Hershey PA to serve with FL at a WTR event. We missed him but we did REALLY well.
- Praise God I felt great and ate well while K was gone. Except for sleep...I really hate sleeping without him.
- I love doing Precept studies. I am thoroughly enjoying Colossians.
- I am quaking in my boots (pun intended from earlier earthquake status:) about being asked to teach aformentioned Precept class next week while our leader is away. I have been trained to teach Precept and only someone trained can teach...but it has been over ten years since I have taught. Before she asked me to sub, God had reminded me that I have been so blessed to sit under wise, mature women as Precept leaders. So when she asked me to do this...I felt humbled. Not because I am wise and mature...not by a long shot...but because I tremble to think of filling those shoes...even for a day. Pray I don't get in God's way next week.
- I had to miss Precept this week because Grayson-boy is sick with fever. I just love to snuggle a sick baby....so why didn't he get sick some other day? :)
- Grayson-boy is sleeping his second nap of the day. He is so sweet. I am telling you...he is too precious for words. I could eat him up.
- Speaking of Grayson being too precious...his big brothers adore this child. I am telling you, if you wonder how it works having teenagers and toddlers...it is a sight straight from God. I love it. He loves them and hangs with them. They snatch him up and still, two years later, race to see who can get him up from his nap.
- Gannon is still my early riser and constant companion. He is too cute for words too. With nicer weather he and I hang out on the deck A LOT. He loves this. He isn't a cuddler but LOVES companionship. If I sit on the deck he entertains himself forever in the backyard.
- My hormones have been good to me this month. Thank You Lord.
- I am following a hypogycemic diet in an effort to curb my appetite, stop my heart palpitations, even out my hormones, and be a happier healthier person in general. This means no sugar, no fruit (for now), limited dairy (for now), no wheat (for now), limited grains, and no processed food. Sounds daunting doesn't it? But when I see how my health is affected...I press on. I FIRMLY believe sugar is killing us...literally. It is the cause behind obesity, heart disease, diabetes, early aging, candida, cravings, depression, anxiety..should I go on? I won't. I could. I won't. :)
- The Lord has been so good to me this past month...sheesh...this past LIFE...but you know what I mean. He has been so present and so patient. I give Him all the praise for giving me the knowledge to help myself with better nutrition. He has given His Word which has helped nourish my soul. He has blessed me with a mate who is so much more than I deserve. He has blessed me with sons that touch my heart in ways that make me ache with love for them. He knows me and He wants me to know Him even more.
Well, that is all for now. Gannon is PESTERING me to DEATH to go outside. Rough life for me! Love you all! Thank you all for the prayers and messages sent to me. You are so dear! M.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Checkin' Out
I have been really down lately. As in depressed. Hormones can take me places I don't want to go and really don't want to stay. And I don't know if it is hormones or Satan or Satan using my hormones. I just know it stinks. I hate feeling this way and more than that...I hate taking my husband through it with me. He has no choice. It is in that better or worse clause. :)
But in hashing it out with my man (something that takes more courage than you can dream for me...I do not communicate verbally well at all and I loathe shedding tears even in front of Keith. I hate that. I do. And I don't know why I am like that.) I came to some conclusions. I am not in a good place and it is going to take some drastic changes to get me out of here.
The first step is I have to fast from my technology. At first I thought just Facebook. But it isn't just Facebook. It is blogs too. And websites. I mean, I am not looking at anything I shouldn't be. I am just using my computer as an escape from my life. And there is balance there. A stay at home, homeschooling mom of 6 boys needs a little escape. But, I am escaping to it way too much. And worse than that, I am escaping from God. Instead of getting in His Word and bathing my mind in truth, I get on Facebook and sink lower into my pit. Facebook is a challenge for me. It allows me to compare myself with other women and that is NOT a good thing.
And as much as God has allowed me to learn all this new stuff about nutrition and such I am spending way too much time reading up on all of that. And it depresses me too! I can only do so much. I can only afford so much. And I have bitten off PLENTY of that for now. I love what I have learned but it is enough for now.
And I am reading about 25 blogs more or less daily. Yes, daily. Doesn't take me long. They aren't long. They don't all post everyday. But come on...25 blogs. Enough. I don't even know all these blinkin' people! Some are nutrition blogs, some recipe blogs, some friends' blogs, some blogs I have gotten involved in because a friend says, "Pray for so and so" and I get hooked wanting to know how life is going for that stranger. It isn't that I shouldn't pray for them but for pete's sake...I DON'T KNOW THEM! I don't think I need to peek into their lives daily or more than a few times daily. And believe it or not...I have a sensitive spirit and if I learn of someone hurting, I hurt too. Then I am carrying around a hurt and that can be too much quite frankly. I mean, it is a great tool that we can, with a push of a button, send a prayer request out for millions of people to pray for but then again, it is too much. At least for me. There is so much hurt right here around me. And if I start carrying every burden put out on FB or blogs...well, let's just say...this girl can't.
So, I am calling a halt. I will need to check e-mail and get online to place my Azure order and such...but I am going to have Keith help me figure out when and how long I can do that. I don't think it was a coincidence that I pulled the shrink wrap off of my new Colossians Precept study today and that it said this:
"As you begin this twelve-week course on the book of Colossians, stop and count the cost. If you don't do it now, you will not be prepared for Satan's subtle allurements, devices, distractions, deceptions, and discouragements (emphasis mine) which will slip in to keep you from completing this study. Are you prepared to say no to those activities and desires that would keep you from your homework or class attendance? Are you willing to forego some pleasures of this world for the treasures of His Word?(again, emphasis mine) To what degree do you want to obey God by studying to show yourself approved unto Him so that you won't be ashamed when you see Him face-to-face?"
Shew. Come on. God has spoken to me. Please hear me. I DO NOT think Facebook or blogs or websites are evil. I have just fallen prey to making them an idol. And I need to tell God...I am all His...He is all mine. And my boys need more of me. Ugh. More. I don't feel I have more to give... I just know they need more. So God is going to have to supply. I am thinking He has asked for 12 weeks. Yes. 12 weeks. Oh my. I don't know if I will blog here or not. Perhaps. But I cannot allow myself to read others' blogs right now. I will miss it but oh how I pray I miss Him less. Love you all! M. (your comments here will go to my email box!)
But in hashing it out with my man (something that takes more courage than you can dream for me...I do not communicate verbally well at all and I loathe shedding tears even in front of Keith. I hate that. I do. And I don't know why I am like that.) I came to some conclusions. I am not in a good place and it is going to take some drastic changes to get me out of here.
The first step is I have to fast from my technology. At first I thought just Facebook. But it isn't just Facebook. It is blogs too. And websites. I mean, I am not looking at anything I shouldn't be. I am just using my computer as an escape from my life. And there is balance there. A stay at home, homeschooling mom of 6 boys needs a little escape. But, I am escaping to it way too much. And worse than that, I am escaping from God. Instead of getting in His Word and bathing my mind in truth, I get on Facebook and sink lower into my pit. Facebook is a challenge for me. It allows me to compare myself with other women and that is NOT a good thing.
And as much as God has allowed me to learn all this new stuff about nutrition and such I am spending way too much time reading up on all of that. And it depresses me too! I can only do so much. I can only afford so much. And I have bitten off PLENTY of that for now. I love what I have learned but it is enough for now.
And I am reading about 25 blogs more or less daily. Yes, daily. Doesn't take me long. They aren't long. They don't all post everyday. But come on...25 blogs. Enough. I don't even know all these blinkin' people! Some are nutrition blogs, some recipe blogs, some friends' blogs, some blogs I have gotten involved in because a friend says, "Pray for so and so" and I get hooked wanting to know how life is going for that stranger. It isn't that I shouldn't pray for them but for pete's sake...I DON'T KNOW THEM! I don't think I need to peek into their lives daily or more than a few times daily. And believe it or not...I have a sensitive spirit and if I learn of someone hurting, I hurt too. Then I am carrying around a hurt and that can be too much quite frankly. I mean, it is a great tool that we can, with a push of a button, send a prayer request out for millions of people to pray for but then again, it is too much. At least for me. There is so much hurt right here around me. And if I start carrying every burden put out on FB or blogs...well, let's just say...this girl can't.
So, I am calling a halt. I will need to check e-mail and get online to place my Azure order and such...but I am going to have Keith help me figure out when and how long I can do that. I don't think it was a coincidence that I pulled the shrink wrap off of my new Colossians Precept study today and that it said this:
"As you begin this twelve-week course on the book of Colossians, stop and count the cost. If you don't do it now, you will not be prepared for Satan's subtle allurements, devices, distractions, deceptions, and discouragements (emphasis mine) which will slip in to keep you from completing this study. Are you prepared to say no to those activities and desires that would keep you from your homework or class attendance? Are you willing to forego some pleasures of this world for the treasures of His Word?(again, emphasis mine) To what degree do you want to obey God by studying to show yourself approved unto Him so that you won't be ashamed when you see Him face-to-face?"
Shew. Come on. God has spoken to me. Please hear me. I DO NOT think Facebook or blogs or websites are evil. I have just fallen prey to making them an idol. And I need to tell God...I am all His...He is all mine. And my boys need more of me. Ugh. More. I don't feel I have more to give... I just know they need more. So God is going to have to supply. I am thinking He has asked for 12 weeks. Yes. 12 weeks. Oh my. I don't know if I will blog here or not. Perhaps. But I cannot allow myself to read others' blogs right now. I will miss it but oh how I pray I miss Him less. Love you all! M. (your comments here will go to my email box!)
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