Somewhere along the line I seem to have abandoned this blog. Not mentally, but physically. Because you see, I think of this blog all the time and am even moved on occasion to write. But then I don't. Either I sit down to the keyboard and type and then promptly delete it entirely or the words just never even come out. I realized along the way that when I am upset, sad, tired, frustrated or angry...I blog. Writing is cathartic for me...it always has been. And there is nothing wrong with that except that so seldom am I moved to write when life is good! And life is OFTEN (in fact, more often than NOT) good. Unquenchable, overflowing, out of bounds GOOD! I have written blogs about good things and happy days it's just that given my natural bent, those blog entries are probably fewer than the ones that express some thorn in my flesh. OR at least they WOULD be far less if I actually gave in and blogged every time I wanted to mention those thorns. Therein lies the reason I set blogging aside. For some of you, this is all you know of me...my blog. For others, you know me better than that but aren't in my life on a daily basis to know that my frustrated days do not define my life. So I don't want to only blog about the bad days because I never want to dishonor the Lord or my family by making it seem as if I am an unhappy person. And I had to leave behind the joy of daily blogging about just ordinary days and such because life just doesn't allow me that kind of time in this season of life!

SO...until I felt moved to blog about a HAPPY thing, I chose not to blog! Believe me, these past few months have been more hard than happy but when God puts a happy ending on things...as He usually does, it hardly matters what all those hard days were about! His faithfulness to me and to my family is nothing short of amazing. Awe inspiring even!

One reason that I like to write when I am struggling is because I know there is always a chance you, my reader, are struggling in that area too. I am a BIG believer in sharing our sufferings. They are so much less powerful when shared. The minute I open my mouth to a friend or a group of friends and share a struggle and someone in that group says, "me too..." I am somehow healed through that. Companionship in suffering. Knowing that Satan can no longer condemn me by saying, "you are a mess and no one else is as messed up as you." He is immediately silenced by the truth that my sin, my struggle is common. And sometimes common feels downright wonderful! But I tread a fine line when all I do is share my struggles or sufferings. Pretty soon....I look miserable and unhappy. I look a little too real, if that is possible. People are always making judgements. If I say I am tired (or if, heaven forbid, I LOOK tired) people pity me and say, "Her life is wearing her out poor thing." If I talk about how my husband and I are struggling or my kids make me nuts...before you know it people have surmised that my marriage is failing and I must have too many children because I cannot handle them. SO while I seek to be real...I must remember that REAL people are reading this and summing me up. And I want my sum total to be JOY! Paul says rejoice in any situation no matter the circumstances. I will therefore try to balance the sharing of struggles (because I still feel that matters) with the sharing of JOY! I do have both and if I am growing in the Lord...I will have them simultaneously!

Let's face it though...motherhood is HARD WORK! And trying to keep my physical body in check is a HARD thing. And being a wife is a HARD thing. And loving the Lord the way I want to love Him and know Him can be HARD work...well, hard in the sense that it requires time and discipline, like any other relationship I care to nurture. But the Lord sweetly sent me these words this week that He spoke to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 30:11 (oh please go and read the whole chapter...it is so good):

"For this commandment which I command to you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach."

And I was reminded by Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest" (which I LOVE and highly recommend):

"If you make a god out of your best moments, you will find that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given you."(emphasis mine)

In other words, or in MY words I should say, if I focus on those times when I felt so near to God and so fresh with His calling and I neglect or worse, despise the work He has placed closest to me (my family), He will be gone from my life. Not as in salvation...but as in doing any new thing. Chambers is SO good to remind me that the "drudgery," as he calls it, of my life is the place where God is making me and molding me to be like Him. The mountain top is refreshment but it is NOT the gift of my life. My life is His gift. SO...that is where I am right now. Learning to complain less and embrace more. What I do is hard. But I can think of no other earthly thing at which I'd rather be working so hard. God bless you as you work hard too! ~M.

If I had my child to raise all over again I'd build self-esteem first and a house later. I'd finger paint more and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging. Diane Loomans

This was posted on a friend's facebook status yesterday. And I have to admit, my first thought was, "Yeah, right." I find that quite often this advice from those who have passed through the young years of motherhood frustrates rather than encourages me. Here's why. Here in the midst of the trenches...the days and hours feel LONG despite being told a THOUSAND times by well meaning women that, "it flies by." I mean, I KNOW how quickly it is passing in reality. My baby is a teenager and I swear it feels like a blink. But back in the day when he was my only baby and I was walking the floor with him and crying because neither he nor I were getting any sleep, I did not need the, "Enjoy this, it flies by" speech. I needed the, "Can I come help you today?" speech. And when I read the poem above I find myself cynically saying I KNOW I should spend more time enjoying life but WHO will do the laundry, or school the kids, or clean the messes, or give baths, or run errands, or pay the bills...do I need to go on? I mean, I need to stop and smell the roses but the stench coming from the bathroom seems to pervade my senses instead!

I guess what I am saying falls into two categories. ONE: I DO need to heed this advice. I gave it some real thinking yesterday. Even though it chokes me to hear it now...I know that one day the house will be quiet and will stay clean. Some day I will go back to doing laundry once or twice a week. Some day there will be no handprints on the door and no toys scattered everywhere. And I WILL say, "I miss it, where did the days go?" Maybe that is what makes me the craziest. I know they are RIGHT! I will miss it. I will long to have little arms squeeze my neck. Or a little four year old who walks through the room on his way to somewhere else and says, "I love you mom" for no reason other than he does! I don't think I will miss the messes. I gotta be honest. I know the messes represent people and life...but I think I will miss the people...not the messes. And with so many children...I expect to have MANY messes from little grandchildren. SO after contemplating it at length yesterday I realized it would take a concerted effort for me to put down my work and enjoy life more. I would need to pass by a mess and a pile of laundry and say..."Not today...today I am playing with my kids." You see, I am a worker. I enjoy a clean home. I NEED order. But, I need to enjoy my life. I need to laugh. I need to stay in my jammies all day. I need to run outside and play on the trampoline. I need to pack a picnic and take my kids out of here. Order is over rated and a tool satan uses to keep me miserable. SO, let me heed the advice.

But secondly, when I get this type of knowing advice from a seasoned mom what I really want to say is this...HELP ME! Don't tell me how I will miss it. Remember with me how hard it is. Remember with me how trying the days are. And though you may know more than me and maybe you are right...it really doesn't minister much to me when I am in the trenches. I am hoping that when I have daughters in laws someday that I can say to them, "How can I help?" so that I can ease their days. Some day they WILL miss it but on that day...they just need a break.

But for today....with a house FULL of children and messes...I am going to PLAY! And LAUGH! And find my joy again! Because, some day...I will wish I did! And I do not like regret!

Some days you want to kick the cat...and today is one of them

Sometimes when you write a blog it is so terribly easy and tempting to make everything in your life seem so good, so wise, so godly. It happens quite innocently actually. You only feel like blogging when life is good. OR maybe you feel like blogging when life stinks royally but you refrain so as not to come off sounding...um...sinful. Which ain't all that bad of a thing...not wanting to be sinful and all. :) But then there are days where:

• the stomach flu has visited your family for the second time in three weeks. And the second time it hit twice as hard and dirtied twice as many sheets.
• and when said stomach flu came through the second time and your carelessly placed bottle of Clorox Clean-up...yeah, the stuff with the real bleach in it- gets picked up by your two year old. And that two year old takes it and sprays the entire bathroom vanity and mirror and his clothes with it in the process. And then takes it in his bedroom and sprays his dresser with it....which happens to have a drawer cracked open and he ruins at least 4 articles of clothing. And to add insult to injury....your seven year old WATCHED it all unfold.
• your husband has been gone for five days and you barely slept at night thanks to the aforementioned stomach flu and the fact that you don't feel safe in your own home when he is gone.
• homeschooling your children makes you crazy. Being responsible for yet one more aspect of their health and well being makes you want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.
• you can hear all of your children sniffling, signaling a round of colds coming to the family.
• you can barely afford to put gas in your van or buy the groceries you need after you pay the bills...let alone pay a sitter or go out on a date so that you can maintain some form of sanity and relationship with your husband.
• the stomach flu made it so you can't go to your financial class so that you can have enough money to pay your bills AND buy groceries and gas.
• you have been away with your husband overnight once in five years and that reality alone makes you want to run away.
• you have lived in a place for five years and still are visiting churches. And now when you think of Sunday you get a giant knot in your stomach instead of that joy you used to have.
• doing the same drudgery seems like it just might kill you.
• you think, "this is NOT the life I signed up for."
• you put your kids to bed and feel you FAILED...capital F. You yelled, you pouted, you slammed things....you acted...sinful.
• you failed at your diet AGAIN.
• and you wake up the next day...and there it all is...again.

SO, you see....some days...STINK. Some WEEKS stink. And I could end this blog with the up note...you know, the one where spirituality shows up and reminds you how you will miss this someday (BLEH...I will NOT miss some of this) or how God is so good or how blessed you are to have such a great family. But, some days...you want to kick the cat. And that's how today feels.

Why I love and (still) recommend e-mealz....

Many of you know that I have highly recommended e-mealz.com in the past. And some of you took my advice and tried it...and didn't like it. Now, I completely understand that e-mealz is NOT for everyone. But, in thrashing it about in my brain I began thinking..."Why doesn't it work for everyone?" Well, I have come to the conclusion that in order to enjoy e-mealz like I do, you may have to...gasp...lower your standards! Yep, there I said it. I have low standards! :) Well, at least when it comes to menu planning and complete strangers planning it for me. If someone is going to hand me a week worth of meals and yet they have never met me, then I can assume that not all seven meals are going to suit my family's taste. I mean, come on, even the menus I plan don't suit all of my family! You have to see e-mealz as a GUIDE. It offers you suggestions, ideas, a framework from which to launch a menu. You have to be able to look at the ingredients for a meal and say, this works for me, and this doesn't and here is how I can make it work. OR...if there is nothing about the meal that works...I don't make it! You get two weeks at once when you sign up so you get 14 meals to plan 7 from. For me, I am not necessarily looking for 7 meals in a week to plan. I figure at least one meal a week may be frozen pizza or nuggets from Wendy's. Or I might have a standard meal of my own I want to use...like chili or soup night. SO, I typically hope to find 5 meals I like out of 7 (or 14 that first week.) Overall, you have to be able to tweak it to suit your family (like omitting mixed veggies from a casserole, or changing peas to carrots, or putting in whole wheat pasta for regular...). And you have to accept that not every meal will work. AND...if a menu is disappointing for more than two weeks...change plans. I found I like the WalMart regular menu and the Weight Watchers Wal Mart plan. Though e-mealz says you can only change once in a three month period, I have actually changed twice before without trouble.

It is also necessary to assess your goals. For me, I felt that for $5 a month, it was WELL worth the investment to come away with some new meal ideas. I mean, again, low standards served me well here. You figure in three months you will get about 90 meals. I merely hoped to come away with 15-20 recipes from that that I would make again. To me, those are good odds. And indeed, that has been pretty much right on. I love having a plan each night, even if I don't ever want to make that meal again. Dinner for that night was served. Move on. Try the next thing. Eventually something comes up a HUGE success and I highlight that one to have again...and again. According to Dave Ramsey (financial guru) e-mealz is a good budgeting idea. It plans meals for you meaning you can grocery shop once for all you will need without running back and forth to the store. And here is another reason some may not like e-mealz...it is based on economical meal planning. If you are a gourmet cook who uses organic menus you may not like e-mealz. They plan most meals based on time and money considerations. The average mother of a family uses soup and pasta and hamburger a lot. It is economical. Expect to find that in e-mealz. There is a good variety every week...but it is not gourmet! Sorry.

So, having said that...here are a few of my favorite recipes from e-mealz. I don't feel it is enough to hurt their business but rather hopefully enough to pique your interest and if nothing else, give you some dinner ideas that have been a hit here!

Brown Sugar Glazed Pork Tenderloin (6 servings at 4 points each)

Combine 1T minced garlic, 2T brown sugar, and 2tsp Montreal steak seasoning (you can find this in spice section). Cut 1 1/2 pound pork tenderloin into 1" slices and dredge in mixture. Heat 1 1/2T light margarine in a large skillet over MEDIUM heat. Add pork, cook 5-6 minutes each side or until 160 degrees inside. Remove pork and add 1/3 cup red cooking wine(marsala or sherry works well) and 1 1/2T light margarine to skillet. Simmer one minute and pour over pork slices. DELISH!

Apples and Onion Chicken Bake (6 servings at 6 points each) try this...it is awesome.

Saute 3 medium thinly sliced apples (I used granny smith) and 2 large yellow onions, also thinly sliced in 2T light margarine 10 minutes or until tender. Transfer to a 9x13 sprayed baking dish. Combine 1/4t salt, 1/8t pepper, 1/2 cup parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs, and 1t dried thyme. Pound thin 1 1/2 pounds chicken breast. Then dredge in the breadcrumb mixture. Lay the chicken on top of the apples and onion. I sprinkle any remaining topping over the chicken. Drizzle 2T melted light margarine over chicken. Bake uncovered at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until chicken is done.

Chicken Parmesan (6 servings at 5 points each)

Combine 3/4 cup italian breadcrumbs and 1/2tsp salt in a shallow bowl. Dip 1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts that you have pounded thin into 3 beaten egg whites (or I used egg beaters) and then into breadcrumb mixture. Heat 2tsp olive oil in a SPRAYED skillet and add chicken. Cook until browned but it doesn't have to be cooked all the way through...just most of the way. It will finish cooking in the oven and you don't want to dry it out. Place chicken in baking dish and cover with 14 ounce can of tomato sauce (or I used diced fire roasted tomatoes that I pureed). Sprinkle with 3/4 cup mozzarella cheese and 1 1/2T parmesan cheese. Bake 25 minutes at 350 degrees. (Since we didn't saute chicken all the way until cooked, cut open a breast and make sure it is white all the way through. Mine was plenty done in 25 minutes.) I put this atop 2 oz cooked whole grain angel hair pasta with a little garlic powder and light margarine. DELISH!

Almond Crusted Tilapia (6 servings @ 6 points each)

Process 1/4 cup almonds in a processor until finely chopped. Combine with 1/3 cup flour and 1/2tsp salt. Dredge 6 tilapia filets into flour mixture. Heat 2T olive oil and 3Tlight margarine in large skillet on MEDIUM heat. Cook filets for 4 minutes on each side. Remove filets from skillet. Add 1/2 cup sliced almonds to skillet and toast for one minute and sprinkle over fish. (I would have added a little garlic powder to this or minced garlic I think though it was good without it.) I served this with long grain rice.

Pumpkin Walnut Pancakes (6 servings at 7 points each)

Combine 2 cups all purpose flour, 3T brown sugar, 1T baking powder, 1/2tsp salt. (I also added pumpkin pie spice...maybe 1-2 tsp to give it more flavor). Combine 1 3/4 cups skim milk, 3 eggs beaten, 3/4 cup canned pumpkin , and 2T oil. Mix the dry and wet ingredients together. Make pancakes (I assume you know how!). Sprinkle with 6t chopped walnuts if you desire...we did NOT desire! Serve with sugar-free or light syrup.

Cinnamon and Brown Sugar Pancakes (6 servings at 4 points each)

Prepare 6 servings of Aunt Jemima Original Pancake mix (I used a recipe from my cookbook, used whole wheat flour and omitted the white sugar.) Stir in 1tsp cinnamon and 4T brown sugar. Prepare pancakes!

Spice Rubbed Pork Tenderloin (6 servings at 4 points each)

Combine 1tsp pepper, 1T olive oil, 1tsp onion powder, 2T worcestershire sauce and 1T minced garlic and rub over 2lb pork tenderloin. Place in sprayed baking dish and COVER. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until 160 degrees inside. HELLO EASY!

Beef Pie ( not a WW menu meal)

In a skillet, brown 1 lb. ground beef and 1/4 cup chopped onions. Drain. Add 1 can mixed veggies , drained(I omitted this) and one can diced potatoes, drained and 8 oz Velveeta, cut into chunks. Mix well and pour into 2qt baking dish. In a skillet melt 2T butter. Add 2T flour and 1/2tsp salt. Stir with a whisk until blended, cook until bubbly. Gradually add 1 cup water and stir constantly. Cook until thickened. Pour over meat mixture. Press a can of crescent rolls together (or buy the new sheet thingys) and cover meat mixture with rolls. Bake at 375 for 20-25 minutes.

SO there you have 8 meals! That should get you started and convince you that e-mealz does have something to offer. I mean, if all I got were these 8 meals (and there are more) then I'd be thrilled to have paid the $15 for it! OKAY...off my soap box now. Seriously, hope you try and like the recipes! Love, M.

Beware...LONG post ahead...pull up a chair.

So I have pretty much determined that there is no good in me. No wisdom. Nothing to offer in and of myself. That God decides to use me is amazing to me. Sadly, as a younger woman I wouldn't have thought that. I would have thought, "I have A LOT to offer" (well, at least something to offer.) Maybe I would have thought I could offer advice on child rearing, homeschooling, house keeping or being a wife. I mean, come on, I am good at those things, right? Well, I am okay at those things...most of the time, right? But as I have gotten older...I see the wisdom in keeping my mouth shut. :) Because just when I open my mouth to be "wise" not long after...I stumble and stick my foot right in it! Then, I clam up and resolve I shall NEVER offer advice or wisdom again. In fact, I shall never offer anything of myself EVER again with the fearful thought that I might hurt someone or offend with my words. Abstinence seems safest right? So God got me alone on this point...still is in fact. I don't have anything to offer...but He does have something to offer...through me. And sometimes I am sinful if I am quiet and withdrawn. Frankly though, I'd rather err on the side of being quiet. I want God to make me a meek and gentle woman...no small order I might add.

SO...when a friend asked me to offer her some mentoring...I felt humbled, blessed, honored, a little sick to my stomach...but you get the point. I don't know a lot but so far I have been married nearly 17 years, have been a mom for 13 and have six sons to prove it! I know a little something...but mostly I know God has been with me through it and has stripped me bare at times of any "good" I might have possessed. Nothing has made me uglier than being a mom...and no, I don't mean physically, though my jiggly belly begs to differ. :) Anyway, after she and I talked yesterday I got to thinking and re-thinking things she and I discussed. And at first when she asked me things I swear all I could say was, "Yeah, I felt that way..sometimes still do." I even told her at one point that I'd have to answer her question when MY mentor got back to ME because I STILL don't know the answer! You see, I have not arrived. I am still a box of puzzle (or puzzled) pieces waiting to fall into place. But upon rethinking some things I thought, "You know, I DO have some ideas for that problem..." So, this blog entry is borne from that. I figured if she found something helpful..someone else might too.

DISCIPLINE: Oh how I dread that word. It stands for everything I should be and everything I should be training my kids to be. But a lot of times, it gets all mixed up with how I love them and how I want to extend them grace and a second chance. See, no one can ever tell you back when you are that judgemental non-owner of a child how LOVE screws up all the neat little control issues you have. "I'll NEVER let my child act like that in public." Well, they don't know that you as a parent see that child's heart and you know how they have been sick, or needing a nap, or how you know they aren't being disobedient but rather they are being two...or however old they are. Or maybe they ARE being disobedient but rather than spank the tar out of them right there...you'll address it privately. "I'd NEVER let my child dress like that." Well, little do they know how you spared yourself a battle because your little darling wanted to wear his cowboy boots and shorts and fire hat to the mall. Who cares, he is dressed and happy, right? Or maybe he learned to dress himself and you're just so derned proud you don't even care his shirt is on backwards and his black pants don't match his blue shirt. There is just so much more to discipline than spanking or timeouts. And unfortunately, tired moms fail to deliver consistent discipline when they ought to. But, I'd bet that every mom gets confronted with the consequences of this and shores up her resolve and gets back at it eventually. I do believe there is the nugget of advice...be consistent but extend grace when you can. See their heart. See the fatigue, the frustration, the help they need when they are acting out. Address that first. DISTRACT them whenever possible. If you know that leaving a fun play date is hard....give several warnings the time is approaching to leave. Plan an incentive...like a treat that will be given in the car. And if all else fails, drag that poor little screaming child out of there to the restroom or the car and assert some physical pain in the appropriate place. But...I am all for distracting or averting the trouble to begin with. I know that strict disciplinarians would disagree but...I am not one of those. Sorry. I SO want to be one of those a lot of days...but alas...it doesn't appear to be happening. Nonetheless, I have pretty obedient boys if I say so myself. Yes, they throw fits and yell NO. But overall, they obey. I am good with that. And I have the benefit of having older boys who are showing me that the lessons Keith and I are teaching are getting through. Praise God for measurable results along the way.

HOUSEKEEPING: People think I am a neat freak or a perfectionist when they see my house. Nope I am not. I won't let you label me that. Yes, my house is clean most any time. My brain just functions that way. I cannot operate well in a mess. My brain thinks efficiently. I have learned that not everyone else's does. When I was a server at a retirement home in high school I was a GREAT server (humility, I know). I wrote up tickets neatly and I was able to serve people very quickly and orderly. I see that same quality in me now. An example? As I walk towards the stairs to go upstairs, I scan the area for anything that needs to go up. I might have a basket of laundry in my hands and as I go I throw Legos and toys into it that go upstairs. Or visa versa...when I am upstairs I throw down shoes and laundry and toys that belong down there. I organize my areas. My laundry room has shelves for the shoes. Therefore, the shoes go on the shelf! We have hooks for bags and jackets. I have a school cabinet with a lock on it. This keeps my little boys out of my supplies. When I do laundry (which is every day) I fold it on my bed and my boys come get their pile and put it away. Grant can fold laundry, especially towels but I am not ready to hand him the chore of laundry entirely...probably never will. I will train him to do his own but the day I hand my sons mine or Keith's clothes to wash..I will probably be bed ridden. The boys unload the dishwasher (including the two year old who loves to empty the silverware), they take out the trash (including the two year old who loves to dump trash and drag bags outside), they clean their own rooms, they clean other people's rooms (like dusting and vacuuming Keith's and my room), they vacuum, dust, do windows, clean the cars, help their dad with projects, and they can spot clean the bathrooms. Which is also a helpful tip. Buy Clorox or Lysol wipes. Have them above the commode or in a cabinet. In between deep cleanings (once a week usually for me) the boys or I wipe the counter first and then the commode and around it ( I have boys you know...they pee a little off center sometimes!) This keeps the bathrooms looking and smelling clean for a lot longer than without it. It is a great help when people drop by to send a kid in to quickly wipe up. My boys do yard work and other things as needed. Right now Grant is steam cleaning the floors and Garrett is vacuuming. But, here is the thing about me...I have older kids. When my boys were little I did most of it myself. And here is another thing...I STILL do a lot of it myself. I do not always have my boys do it. I ENJOY housekeeping. I am quick and efficient and usually don't mind it. But, when I ask- my boys jump to. They don't argue or complain....usually. They know their jobs and they do them. My big boys keep a clean bedroom. I will pick up laundry...I don't mind that mostly. Sometimes I ask them to do it. They should do it...I just don't always make them. The little boys' room is a big disaster of toys most of the time. I like it that way...that means they are being playful and imaginative. If the Legos are spread about and Hot Wheels are lined up and dart guns are everywhere...they have been enjoying each other. I will post a pic of what it looks like most of the time. And then the next pic shows what it looks like clean. Here is the thing: my boys can clean their own messes because I have Rubbermaid containers labeled with what goes in there. I have three-drawer carts labeled and I have shelves organized in a way they can follow. While I may not make them always put it all away, I know that when I finally want it clean, they can do it well. And occasionally, I DO IT! Yep, while they play I clean it up. This helps me know if the containers are still properly organized. Sometimes they get lazy and put Legos in with Hot Wheels or whatever and I can sort them back out. If I do that periodically then it stays organized. The old adage, "A place for everything and everything in its place" is the truth! If there is no place for something...it will never get put away. SO, to sum that up...I'd say that my boys are good workers but I don't always make them do it all. I see the home as my job. They are learning to work and this is their home too so they should help. But I do not ask my boys to do my work. If I had daughters I'd train them to work with me more. They need to be skilled that way....sorry, I am old fashioned in my roles. Daughters should fix dinner and do laundry and keep house as much as they are able. Sons should mow lawns and make repairs with dad and take out the trash, etc. I make my boy do domestic things because they should know how and because I need their help...but you won't find me sitting on my chair while they do my work. I want them to see me modeling what a wife and mother does. I want to do it well to the glory of God and to the glory of Keith.

Well, that is enough. That is MORE than enough. Sorry. It just came spilling out. Maybe more will come to mind to share later. I am not sharing this because you all need this. I am sharing this in case you need it. Take what applies and pitch the rest! Love to you! M.

(I think I will make the pictures a separate post because it frustrates me to figure this all out.)

Do you have a two year old?

Maybe I should have titled that, "Do you want a two year old?" :) Just kidding...I would surely miss this smiley boy of mine...most of the time. Yep, that's the truth. Most of the time I'd miss him but SOME of the time...I'd just float through my day not having to wonder what he was up to, in to, on to, or under. This little boy of mine has been a stinker since he was one. He is full of life, full of energy, and STINKIN SMART! See, that is where the whole thing goes wrong. There is very little that he sets his mind to that he CAN'T do. He knows how to open EVERYTHING (doors, bottles, zippers, etc) and he forgets to close everything. He likes to chew gum...and swallow it. He likes to move bar stools across the kitchen to reach high places. He likes to do everything himself. And mostly I am grateful. I mean, with 6 kids to care for, it is nice to have a two year old who likes to dress himself. And he has amazed me how he can do it all...underwear, socks, shirt and pants! Sometimes backwards...but always on. Well, except when he takes them off. Like if they get wet. Not soaking wet...just a drop a water and off it must come. Or he decides he no longer needs socks...or a shirt...or his pants....in the front yard. SIGH. The upside? He is potty trained. He can already ride a bike with training wheels. He likes to help-whether I want it or not :).

And then there is his volume level. One setting. LOUD. And he wakes up first and he wakes up loud. Everyone knows he is awake. He isn't upset loud...he is HAPPY loud. "HI MOMMY! I WAKE UP!" I can hardly fault him that it is 6:45am...he is so proud and happy "he waked up." And he has a killer smile with the sweetest little lips you ever kissed.

He is not quite the poster child for being a big brother either. He tends to "love to death" Grayson. He hugs him around the neck. He uses him for his own personal chair. He knocks him over, steals his toys, and tells him no. But between all of that...he loves him. Really. He does. Just ask him....he LOVES to say, "I love you." Well, more like, "I lub YOU!" (The YOU part is really LOUD and emphasized.)

And he has a new love of scissors. He hasn't cut his hair yet...or anything of value. But he likes to remove tags....the diaper bag name label...gone. The tag on a doll that tells her name. And he tried to remove the little applique football that was on his shirt but thankfully asked for my help. The scissors now reside high up in a cabinet. But, he found them..now I must move them.

He keeps me busier than all the rest including the baby. He doesn't care much for quiet activities. He is a goer and a doer. (Gets that from Keith.) But he is HAPPY and LOVING. He is precious and I don't know what life would be without him. And although he positively wears me out every day...I know God has a great plan for him. I believe he will be a go getter. I believe he will be outgoing and talented and smart in whatever he endeavors. And when he is...there will be PLENTY of stories to tell of how I almost didn't survive.

The Light...

God's lessons are sometimes too clear NOT to see! Case in point...this past Sunday we enjoyed a presentation at our church called The Light. Appropriately, the entire production was about Jesus being the Light of the World. It contrasted the dark and the light. And then God decided to bring the lesson home for me...literally.

Let me back up a bit...you see, I have been planning a welcome tea for a friend here at FamilyLife. Welcome teas are FL's way of greeting new staff wives. Senior staff wives host a tea in their home and invite other senior staff wives to attend. I have not gotten to host a tea before and it has been quite some time since I have even had friends in for a party. I was looking quite forward to it. I knew my friend Johanna was looking forward to it as well and it was so fun thinking of how nice I could make the tea for her. So I planned and re-planned the menu. I tweaked it and re-tweaked it. I sent out the evite (LOVE LOVE LOVE the evite). I watched dutifully every day as women RSVPd. Forty one women were invited. Twenty two said yes. (Ultimately, 17 showed up) I was excited! If I am going to have people in my home I would just as soon have a lot of women so as to make the work worthwhile!

I set out on Saturday to look for all the perfect paper products (ultimately ended up at WalMart...). I made name tags from Christmas gift tags. I did the grocery shopping. I spent Sunday afternoon and evening baking and preparing as much as I could. (The Lord was already laying His plan.) Got up on Monday and knew I was adding an extra boy to my group. My friend Amy was scheduled to be induced Monday morning and her son was coming to stay. Initially I thought how crazy it was to add a child to my numbers on such a busy day but, again, God was laying His plan because having Tekoa here meant my little boys were happily entertained and bothered me very little all morning. Because of this I jumped in the shower much earlier than usual and had that little detail done early. Once I got Grayson down for the morning nap I was a busy bee doing my final baking. There were cake balls, white sheet cake cut outs, pecan and almond turtles, pesto party sandwiches, cream cheese with pepper jelly dip, and water chestnut appetizers. By lunchtime I had all of my baking done and set about to clean. I tore the family room apart. (literally had to take apart the sectional to clean under and behind it.) I had the vacuum run and the boys were helping me steam the floors with my new Shark steamer from my MIL. THEN...(duh duh duh...ominous music plays)

THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT! It was 2 in the afternoon on a beautiful sunny day and the lights went out. NO PROBLEM. Plenty of time for the lights to come back on...called to verify. Yes, lights will be back on by 5pm. Great, no problem. I am ready except for making the appetizer that needs to go in the oven...and the coffee and tea. So I continued doing what I could do and didn't panic. But right around 4:30 it began occurring to me...what if it doesn't come back on? What will I do? Shoved those thoughts out of my head. Thankfully, the Lord had planned a gorgeous day for the 7 boys to be outside (well, six...not counting the baby who did not nap because his fan turned off right after he fell asleep). So, the house maintained its clean until they tracked in the mud...but we dealt with that. (mostly by my screaming and yelling and throwing the doors shut and demanding that they NEVER come in my house again....okay, not really...but close.) Keith got home. Now there are seven kids and no dinner to serve. Now the sun is going down and I am panicking. How will I light up my home? How will I fix the appetizer? How will I have coffee? HOW WILL THEY SEE MY PRETTY TREE AND CLEAN HOME IF IT IS DARK? Called the electric company again...no lights until 9pm. Great! That's when the party ends. Keith took the boys to dinner. I fixed the appetizers by oil lamp. I was still in my grubby clothes. I began folding paper bags for luminaries. I needed a way to show people we were home! I began setting out the food and paper ware. I began lighting every candle I own. I called a friend to come fetch the appetizers. I laid out things for coffee and tea still praying the light would return. The honored guest arrived first. Still in my grubbies. She assures me the house looks lovely. Keith is outside lighting the luminaries. I couldn't have survived this without him. He got out our camping lantern and hung it outside for people to see. He waited outside for ladies to arrive. I changed clothes...in the dark. At this point I am thinking...hope the lights stay off...who knows what shape my makeup is in! Slowly the ladies arrive. Giggles. Lots of giggles. We pile in by candlelight. A friend loans more lamps and we nearly fill the place with fumes...cracked the windows. No heat in the house...but the Lord planned a warm day so it hovered in the high 60s in our home. A couple of ladies snuggled under a blanket...more giggles. My Godly friends blessed me with positive attitudes and praises for pulling the event off. (I didn't mention my near crying experience while preparing the food by lamp light.) Each lady blessed our guest with a blessing. We prayed. We talked. We laughed...a lot. Somewhere in there my friend who was induced that day had her baby boy and Tekoa's grandparents fetched him. Keith kept boys quiet upstairs and eventually got them all in bed. By 10pm...or so...the last lady left. And as we were saying our goodbyes...standing in the front yard watching them walk to their cars in the dark...a flicker of light appeared on the street. YOU ARE KIDDING LORD! Nope, He wasn't kidding...there it was...the LIGHT.

SO, where is the lesson in this? Well, I saw it right away because immediately I felt forgotten by God. He knew I wanted this event to be everything Johanna dreamed. Welcome teas are a little like a wedding...you only get one. I had planned and prepared. How could He let this happen? But I also recognized my pride. Lord, how will I make my house look pretty? How can I light my tree or my manger scene? How will they enjoy good coffee or hot tea? How will they see my clean floors or pretty food? How will they be comfortable? I know this about myself. I am prideful when it comes to having people in my home. I enjoy keeping house. I enjoy baking. I enjoy hospitality. These are my talents. Some days it feels as if this is all I have to offer. But God really just wants my heart to be right. Melissa, it isn't all about you. Or your home. It is about your willingness to serve and open your home. It is about Johanna. It is about ME. Sigh. Okay Lord. Have it Your way. This will be memorable....

And so it was! In the midst of the darkness I saw my need for LIGHT. How I missed it filling the room with warmth and sight. I saw my humility...and lack thereof. But the home was filled with great fellowship and laughter. My friends left my home saying that ALL teas should be done by candlelight. It was intimate. And God's light is intimate. It brings us together. It warms us. And I could trace His hand all over the event and the plans and preparations. I highlighted in red all of the things He prepared to have happen in just the right manner so that when the time came...He could turn off the lights and make the event His own. Thank You Lord. I saw You there. Thanks for removing me from the equation. I really do love YOU!

(BTW...the first pics don't do it justice...the flash made it seem bright in there. The pics without the flash...well, they do it justice...it was that dark in there!)